Books: The Five Love Languages
Books: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Each year I gave a book to our kids. One year it was Gary Chapman's book about giving and receiving love. This book has been a huge help to me ever since I read it in 1996. I did not understand why my mother gave me presents but would just walk away without any connection back to me. I felt unloved and abandoned. On the other hand she only thanked me for the presents I gave her and did not even acknowledge the countless hours I spent with her.
Once I read this book, it started to make sense to me. She showed love by Gving Gifts. I felt loved by having Quality Time with her. It was like finding a map with directions to another person's heart and the way back to my own.
In Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman describes five ways we can love another person and feel loved ourselves. They are: Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Here is Gary Chapman's lesson on how to share.
Learning to talk: "1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is speaking 2. Don't listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. 3. Listen for feelings 4. Observe body language 5. Refuse to interrupt."
He speaks of two kinds of people; "The Dead Sea, This personality type receives many experiences, emotions and thoughts throughout the day....and they are perfectly happy not to talk." and the "Babbling Brook, For this personality type whatever enters the eye of the gate or the ear of the gate comes out the mouth of the gate." He suggests; "You start a daily sharing time where each of you talks about three things that happened that day and how you feel about them." He calls this; "The Minimum Daily Requirement."
This also worked with my children. The way I feel loved turned out to be very different from the way they felt loved. So here we are each thinking we are giving love to another person and not understanding why they do not feel loved.
Gary Chapman has written many more books on this subject, so pick the one that is right for you. The Five Love Languages of Children and The Five Love Languages Singles Edition are two of my favorites.
I am enjoying rediscovering these tools all over again. I hope you find them useful in your life.
Toni Faile Lyerly
Ideas for life.
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